The Caste

by Franz Kafka

K. is commissioned as a land surveyor for a mysterious village, but the locals treat him as an Untouchable.

The Commonest Manifesto

Marx and Engels try to top the sales of their influential manuscript on class struggle with a follow up appeal to the masses. Unfortunately, everyone already had it.

Prescription squid

I've been wearing this squid now for about three weeks, and it's starting to stink! It's really heavy and difficult to sleep in, and I can't see how this is supposed to help my back at all. I don't think that guy is a real physiotheraptist. He was selling all that fish. This thing is heavy and it's hurting my back! And I have to feed it regularly or it starts to bite my head with its beak.

Video Game Turns On Children

SYDNEY, Australia (AP) — Two children were killed in Sydney yesterday when the video game they were playing rose up and revolted against the family, prompting calls for a review here of current game ratings.

Internet connection

My internet isn't connected, but I manage to surf the net by picking up the phone and screaming "one one one zero one zero zero one zero zero one one!" as fast as I can.

CORRECTION

This journal recently reported erroneously the disappearance of a busload of Australian tourists in Gaza.  The article should have stated that it was in fact a busload of Austrians.  And it wasn't a busload; it was a busloaf.

Stigma

Larks are not happy. Whoever coined the phrase "happy as a lark" should get his bloody facts straight. The Monotonous Lark and the Black Lark are mournful, troubled birds with the highest rate of depression among passerines.